With fans already getting excited about the 2018-dated 'Jurassic World' sequel, we remember five movie follow-ups that should never have been made.
Not all sequels are terrible - Toy Story, The Bourne Identity and Batman Begins all received excellent second (and third) instalments, for example - but sometimes a disastrous sequel comes along that nobody was asking for. Here are five of the worst.
1. Teen Wolf Too (1987)
This comedy didn't leave audiences howling
Even when presented with a reasonably original idea for a kids' movie like "Max Keeble's Big Move," Disney can always find a way to bleed all the color out of it and give the resulting product that Mouse House assembly-line feel.
Max (Alex D. Linz), our hero, is a diminutive, idiosyncratic seventh-grader with a rubbery face and a hurricane hairdo, who starts junior high on the wrong foot, running afoul of two bullies and the conniving school principal on the first day of class. The original idea in here is that just when he's sure he's in for a miserable year, his father announces the family is moving away, and Max realizes he has a golden opportunity to assert himself and wreak some havoc without any consequences.
Max concocts a plan to humiliate the bullies, expose the principal's illicit designs for the school budget, and make time with a ninth-grader (Brooke Anne Smith) so babelicious that she gets Britney Spears' "Hit Me Baby (One More Time)" as her very own theme song.
Continue reading: Max Keeble's Big Move Review
In "Bounce," Ben Affleck goes searching for the widow of the dead guy who got his seat on a doomed airliner. He plans to apologize but falls in love with her instead.
He doesn't tell her their meeting was no coincidence, despite several clear opportunities, and he shows no credible guilt over it. One night, the widow (a very moving Gwyneth Paltrow) bears her soul about her grief, and still he holds his tongue. Another night he sleeps with her instead of telling her the truth. He buddies up to her two young sons as a way to avoid telling her on other occasions. And when he finally does fess up, it's too late -- she's already found out from somebody else.
Yet we're supposed to like this selfish jackass because he's a recovering alcoholic and a glib stud learning What's Really Important In Life. We're supposed to feel bad for Ben and his broken heart. We're supposed to root for Ben and Gwynnie to get back together because his eyes get a little moist after she gives him his walking papers.
Continue reading: Bounce Review
Save its ambitious, eye-popping computer-generated space battle effects, 20th Century Fox's second run at Disney's animation crown is little more than another threadbare cartoon orphan story ("Dinosaur," "Anastasia," "The Lion King," etc.) dressed up in wannabe-anime style and targeted at 11-year-old boys with a toy-friendly, sci-fi storyline and a bad, bad, bad guitar rock soundtrack.
Taking place in a distant future when the Earth has been destroyed and the remnants of mankind are adrift in the galaxy, "Titan AE" follows handsome, cocky, cusp-of-manhood Cale (voice of Matt Damon), the son of a valiant military martyr in our planet's brief defense against a race of energy beings called the Drej.
The Drej blew up Earth with their giant crystalline space ship in an expensive-looking CGI sequence when Cale was just a boy, and now they're hunting what's left of humanity as we flee through the stars. What, exactly, the Drej have against us, the movie doesn't bother to explain. The fact that they look like a lava lamp versions the Terminator's skeleton signals they're bad news, so who needs to bother with, you know, motive?
Continue reading: Titan Ae Review
Diamond Dogs was released on this day (May 24) in 1974.
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Add this guy to your playlist ASAP.
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Even when presented with a reasonably original idea for a kids' movie like "Max Keeble's...
In "Bounce," Ben Affleck goes searching for the widow of the dead guy who got...