Alec Baldwin seems to have ended his love affair with New York City. Or would that be MSNBC? Or public life in general? Regardless, Baldwin seems to be fed up with all of it, if his candid essay, published on Vulture, is anything to go by. In the essay, Baldwin recounts all the ways in which 2013 was “pretty awful”, starting with the accusations of homophobia that came his way early in the year.

Alec Baldwin
Baldwin seemed to be on a collision course for most of 2013.

Baldwin has a bit of ire reserved for almost everyone – MSNBC, Rachel Maddow, Shia LaBeouf – no one is safe from his wrath. He goes on to explain how his clashing with LaBeouf sabotaged his return to theater and how later in the year, his talk show was relegated to MSNBC, even though Baldwin wanted to do in on NBC instead. It’s a long read. Even despite the inevitable inaccuracies, it’s still interesting to read Baldwin’s point of view on the whole debacle – and he certainly isn’t shy about sharing it.

In the essay, as told to Joe Hagan, Baldwin explains that "everything changed" for him in November, when he was accused - wrongly, he says - of using a gay slur at a photographer. Then he kind of goes for the “I have a friend who’s…, therefore I can’t be…”

Alec Baldwin
He's had brushes with everyone - from the paparazzi, to LGBT activists.

As he tells it, a TMZ photographer "ambushed me as I was putting my family in a car, and I chased him down the block and said, 'C---sucking mother---er' or whatever (when I have some volatile interaction with these people, I don’t pull out a pen and take notes on what I said)." Will this be enough to expunge Baldwin’s record? Probably not. But the actor doesn’t seem to be looking for public approval anyway. He says he’s fed up with public life. “You’re out there in a world where if you do make a mistake, it echoes in a digital canyon forever,” Baldwin says.

Alec Baldwin
Baldwin may have once harbored political ambitions, but now he just wants to be done with it all.

He even goes on to express some failed political ambitions like running for local office. “In the pyramid of decision-making in New York City politics, rich people come first, unions second, and rank-and-file New Yorkers come dead last. I wanted to change that,” Baldwin admits. The letter concludes with Baldwin effectively handing in his metaphorical badge and gun: “. If I offended anyone along the way, I do apologize. But the solution for me now is: I’ve lived this for 30 years, I’m done with it.”