Metallica At Glastonbury: 10 Acts More Deserving Of The Headline Slot

Metallica have been festival mainstays since their appearance in the original incarnations of Monsters of Rock festival in the 1980’s- a celebration of all things hairy and leather-clad that takes place on the same Derbyshire site as the annual Download Festival. For over a decade now, the San Franciscan quartet have bounced from one UK festival headline slot to another, and does a year pass without them headlining a festival in British shores.

The metal titans remain safe in the knowledge that if they Download or Sonisphere’s booking honchos don’t come beckoning, there are plenty of other festivals just as keen to have them. To Metallica, their inaugural Glastonbury appearance will be just another huge event they can tick off their to-do list. Granted, metal has often been criminally under-represented throughout Glastonbury’s history, but the genre already boasts several continually well attended bastions of its own.

Despite a continued following that ranks among the largest in heavy music, Metallica are also hugely unrepresentative of the current state of heavy metal and despite the release of new records, they are now fervently considered a heritage act. Most pertinently, there are a wealth of bands more deserving of the Glastonbury headliner accolade and who would treat it with greater significance. For Metallica, however, playing to tens and even hundreds of thousands of people is almost a daily occurrence.

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As unimaginative and predictable as a Lars Ulrich drum solo, the headline slot may be justified by their commendable thirty-five year legacy but it is one blighted by a recent slew of awful (St. Anger), mediocre (Death Magnetic) and laughable (Lulu) releases. Here is a selection of bands more deserving of the most prestigious of festival honours:

Fleetwood Mac

How many in the Glastonbury crowd will be able to sing along much of Metallica’s set-list bar ‘Enter Sandman’, ‘Nothing Else Matters’ and, at a stretch, ‘Master Of Puppets’? Very few, I would imagine. Both Tusk, Rumours and Tango In The Night are regarded to be legendary records in both a critical and commercial sense, responsible for producing singles that have cemented themselves upon the popular consciousness as true pop masterpieces after ubiquitous rotation since their release. Anyone between the ages of 16-60 can repeat the chorus of ‘Don’t Stop’ or hum the vocal melody to ‘Songbird’. As such, Fleetwood Mac would bring together both young and old in both musical unity and universal appeal with irrevocably more candour than a two hour Metallica shout-along. Recent shows at London’s O2 Arena prove just how much esteem Fleetwood Mac are held in by the British public.

David Bowie

The Thin White Duke is long overdue a major festival appearance and despite the recent release of a superb comeback album in 2013’s The Next Day, he is yet to take to the big stage to perform any of its tracks. One of the most artful and beguiling performers in the business, a Bowie headline slot would prove to be one of Glastonbury’s greatest bookings; inevitably being met with huge public admiration and phenomenal demand, due in part to the rarity with which Bowie now tours. In fact, the musical legend could single-handedly account for the sale of every single ticket were he to be announced as headliner, leaving the rest of the line-up to keep the crowd amused before his performance. His appearance would ensure a crowd of particularly astounding expanse. On the other hand, there is a very real threat that Metallica will be playing to a half empty field given their announcement long after the tickets had sold out and Glastonbury’s typical indifference towards metal.

The Libertines

Despite now orchestrating their third reunion since the band imploded less than a decade ago, the fact they are headlining their own edition of the British Summer Time Festival series suggests that despite the very public drug issues and dodgy career moves from the band’s dual figureheads in Peter Doherty and Carl Barrat, The Libertines still command a loyal and extensive following. What’s more, their fan base who grew up with the band are now well into their twenties, witnessing their initial exposure in NME and the then revolutionary utilization of relatively archaic social media.

More: The Libertines reunion - can we expect the good old days?

The good ship Albion, although now devoid of much of its once youthful and drunken charm, are a prime candidate for night-time nostalgia act, best enjoyed whilst edging into the unknown waters beyond ‘tipsy’ and into full on drunken furore. Sure, their immediate cultural relevance may have abandoned them sometime in 2005, but the ramshackle quartet would provide a more spontaneous and unpredictable spectacle than the well-oiled Metallica light show and flamethrower rigmarole. Also, Pete could really do with the money.

Black Sabbath

The originators of heavy metal, they laid the blueprint and without Tonni Iommi’s doom-laden proto-sludge riffs and Ozzy’s demonic howls, Metallica and every other metal band would be plying a sound far removed from metal as it exists today. Certainly, it would usher in a rather gloomy headline slot, but their association with the occult would be a fitting tie-in with Glastonbury’s traditionally emphasized spiritual element. A little flirtation with darkness never hurt anyone, right? The Midland rockers also possess a serious set of tunes, from the instantly recognisable crossover hit ‘Paranoid’ to the crushing riffs of ‘Iron Man’, Black Sabbath would instigate mass headbanging whilst avoiding the irksome pitfalls that Metallica are sure to exploit: extended guitar solos, several encores and Lars Ulrich. Furthermore, the band have recently released their 19th studio album, 13, which although far from their best work, was still a hugely enjoyable collection of pure classic rock riffage. Despite their advancing years, Sabbath are still immovable rock heavyweights.

Radiohead

Radiohead lay claim to one of the most fantastic headline slots in Glastonbury’s history. Taking to the pyramid stage in 1997, shortly after the release of their esteemed album Ok Computer, Radiohead produced what many regarded to be as one of the greatest concerts of all time. They returned in 2003 to perform tracks from Kid A and Amnesiac which ushered in a new era of postmodern experimentalism between rock and electronica. A surprise slot in 2010 wetted appetites for a return of the experimentalist group to the very stage that helped Radiohead ascend to the highly revered group they are today. With a new album in the works, a return to the Pyramid Stage is somewhat of an inevitability. With their mix of supremely danceable electronica, euphoric rock anthems and Thom Yorke’s spasmodic dancing, Radiohead posit a triple threat and are an emphatically more enticing prospect than Metallica’s continuous assault of blaring riffs and squealing solos.

Next page: Prince, Kanye West, Outkast

Prince

At 55 years old, Prince is every bit the flamboyant and erudite performer of his 80’s heyday, as his recent slew of small live gigs across the UK has proven. A headlining Glastonbury performance would guarantee many things such as glorious sing-alongs and a mountainous selection of hits. It would transform the crowd into a mass of uninterrupted gyrations. Quite simply, no-one will be able to resist the temptation to get down to the Purple One’s sultry funk. He may have dropped off the radar slightly in recent years, but with a new album ready to be swooned over by his legion of adoring fans, a Glastonbury appearance would be a fitting comeback for one of music’s most consciously individual and celebrated all-round performers. Capable of ludicrous guitar solos as well as possessing one of the most dexterous male vocal ranges, Prince would certainly offer a kaleidoscopic spectacle but he packs such a dizzying array of tunes to ensure Prince’s performance could be amongst the most all-round stunning Pyramid stage jaunts yet.

OutKast

Ever since Jay Z put up two proverbial fingers to the Gallagher brothers in 2008, the doors have been flung open for hip-hop acts to tackle headline slots usually reserved for the likes of white male guitar bands in Coldplay and U2. The newly reformed OutKast would have presented the perfect continuation of Glastonbury’s newfound adoration for hip-hop. Andre 3000 and Big Boi posit the perfect balance of universally celebrated pop hits in ‘Hey Ya’ and ‘Ms Jackson’ whilst sporting enough boom-bap beats to keep the hip-hop purists happy. No other hip-hop troupe can bring the party quite like Outkast and their joyous collision of Technicolor psychedelia and beat-centric funk stomp. Drawing from a lineage of black music that stretches back to Sly And The Family Stone and James Brown, OutKast’s ability to get vast human diasporas on their feet and grooving in an euphoric mass is their bread and butter. With tracks from their nineties releases still sounding as fresh and vital today as they did at the time of release, OutKast would be a booking sure to spread irresistible good-time vibes.

Oasis

Their name may be bandied about as a strong Glastonbury rumour on an annual basis, yet an Oasis appearance in 2014 would have been a fitting return for the Gallagher’s, if only they could put aside their infamous sibling differences for the mutual benefit of a whopping great pay check. Exactly twenty years since the release of Definitely Maybe, an Oasis headline appearance would be a sure-fire nostalgia trip- a celebration not only of their enduring legacy, but of the Britpop movement they helmed alongside Blur, Pulp and Suede. However, it seems uniting the Gallagher brothers on the same stage will be nothing short of a miracle at present, given the frequency with which the duo (but mainly Liam) unleash tirades denouncing the other as false. But with Liam’s current musical muse in Beady Eye failing to garner the success he had predicted in such hyperbolic terms, an Oasis reunion would reinstall the brothers Gallagher as figureheads for Britain’s last great Cultural Revolution, rather than status as washed-up has-beens they are otherwise edging ever closer towards.

Miley Cyrus

Brattish, puerile and unapologetically juvenile, Miley Cyrus would act as a shot in the arm to the often stuffy and conservative Glastonbury roster. Her antics are sure to instigate a thoroughly polarizing effect- some will love her suggested fellating of a Bill Clinton lookalike, whilst others will dismiss her as a loathsome hyper-sexualized Hollywood casualty. Yet whatever the opinion, a booking of the ‘Wrecking Ball’ singer would be sure to generate one essential facet of publicity: controversy. In comparison, Metallica’s appointment as headliner is far from controversial. Rather, it is a logical decision and one that is hugely predictable. A Cyrus headlining position would operate in a similar fashion to that of Jay Z in 2008- stewing the old Glasto fuddy-duddy’s into a state of irate belligerence and usurping the status quo.

Kanye West

In 2008, the disputed King of hip-hop slayed Glastonbury with an aggressive set of big budget hip hop bangers. Not it is time for the genre’s joker to prowl the Pyramid stage. Despite his Messiah complex, position as one of reality TV and the tabloid press’ greatest muses and the colossal ego, Kanye West actually continues to make experimental hip hop for a commercial audience- flummoxing many in the process. Critically though, despite all the baggage that one associates with the gargantuan pop culture personality, Kanye produces some truly edifying music and commands a loyal following that, although far from believing he is the second coming of Jesus, recognise that beneath the eccentric and immensely arrogant façade is a true artist and perhaps even- a genius. With an extensive back catalogue in tow that includes vast successes in the realms of hip hop and mainstream culture, Kanye carries a cultural weight that puts even legacy of Metallica to shame. No doubt if Kanye was afforded a Glasto headline slot, the audience would be in the palm of his hand from the get-go.