Mel C has finally broken her silence on why she won’t be joining her fellow Spice Girls for their 20th anniversary reunion tour. In an essay penned for Love Magazine, the former Sporty Spice opened up about her struggles with the modern concept of ‘celebrity’ and why she’s chosen to say no to the reunion.

Sharing her thoughts on fame after 20 years in the music business, Mel said she was finally at peace with her celebrity. “I struggled with many aspects of being in the public eye,” she wrote. "But after 20 years, motherhood and lots of therapy I’m more at peace with the reality of achieving my childhood ambition.”

For the accompanying photoshoot Mel channelled her Spice Girls heyday, poising in workout gear and showing off her athletic body. But while she’s comfortable putting on the Sporty Spice look again, she will not be taking part in any reunion shows.

More: Emma Bunton Says Victoria Beckham Is Supportive Of Spice Girls Reunion

“Look, I will be a Spice Girl until I die. But the continuous speculation on whether we will reform to celebrate 20 years of Wannabe has been particularly exhausting,” she explained. “Don’t get me wrong - I totally get it.

“But is it a new rule that bands have to reform? Why can’t we just be remembered for our incredible achievements in the nineties.” The band previously reunited in 2007 and Mel described the experience as “scary and surreal all at the same time.”

But this time around Mel feels it wouldn't be the same, with Victoria already having said no. “I’d love to play huge arenas across the World, sing our brilliantly bonkers pop songs and relive our former glory. It is of course a very lucrative opportunity too,” she said. “But we were a five-piece band.”

More: Mel C Reportedly Standing In The Way Of Spice Girls Reunion

For Mel the group’s peak came when they performed at the Opening Ceremony of the 2012 London Olympics. “For me the absolute pinnacle of my Spice existence was being watched by a billion people around the globe belting out ‘Spice up Your Life’ on top of a black cab at the 2012 London Olympics,” she continued.

Mel is now focusing on her solo career, although she knows she’ll always be remembered as Sporty Spice. “I am under no illusion that my solo work will ever come close to a fraction of the impact that we make as the Spice Girls,” she concluded. “I love the band I am beyond proud of my past and will always embrace and celebrate being a Spice Girl, It’s what I am.”