So Justin Bieber got punched in the face. It might sound like the cosmos finally restoring balance, but the real kicker is who it was, who acted as the fist of cosmic justice. Yes, by this time you’re probably aware, it was Orlando Bloom, former screen pirate and pointy ear aficionado.

Justin Bieber
It's been a long time coming.

Did he do it for the world? For the children? For every young girl, who has grown up idolizing the wrong people? Not quite. Apparently the squabble, if you could call it that, was over Bloom’s ex wife, Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr. Rumours – and by that we mean TMZ articles – have been swirling for a while, claiming that after he performed at the 2012 VS Fashion Show, the baby-faced star (we mean Bieber, though the description would fit Bloom too) put “the moves” on Bloom’s Chosen One at the time. We’ll just let you imagine what “the moves” might be.

More: Justin Bieber's 10 Worst Moments

And then there was the time, very recently in fact, when Bloom was seen allegedly putting his own moves on Bieber’s former ladylove, 22-year-old Selena Gomez. Her age seems sort of relevant here, given that Bloom is 37.

Orlando Bloom
Orlando Bloom did the mature and responsible thing. No, not really, but at least he made news for once. 

In any case, the exact events that unfolded at the Cipriani Restaurant in Ibiza are subject to debate and distortion from various witness accounts, but the gist of it seems to be that Bieber may or may not have provoked Bloom by calling out "What's up, bitch?" Bloom’s natural and highly mature response was to punch the 20-year-old singer in the face. There are several possible ways that could have backfired, but apparently everyone got off relatively unscathed. Since then, Bieber has been using his fading celebrity/social media profiles to post a picture of Kerr (now deleted) on Instagram and then a picture of Bloom, looking rather distraught. So… the saga continues, then?

More: Orlando Bloom And Miranda Kerr's Split Was Waiting To Happen