Christmas is weird. If you – like a child – have little to no responsibilities, then it’s a pretty blissful time; you can sit around, eating pate and quaffing liquor, unless you actually are a child, then you’ll be doing something similar with Quality Street and coke.

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But if you’re an adult, with 9 children – 3 of whom have nut allergies, while the only boy is going through a vegetarian phase - then the festive period can look more like an ancient Egyptian slave camp than the fairytale images conjured up by seasonal advertising. 

Whatever your Christmas status is – lazy young adult, idiotic child or stressed mum – everyone sits down and watches TV at this time of year. Everything’s just so watchable. And if you haven’t got a TV, then don’t worry, you’re not reading this, because no one without a TV has a computer and the Internet, probably.

We’ve combed through the endless listings in TV guides to curate a little televisual guide for all your festive viewing, so you don’t start watching something awful – like Top Gear - while simultaneously, Toy Story 3 is blazing through its animated gears over on a different channel.

Next page: Doctor Who, obviously.