Live performers were sent a warning email ahead of the 55th Annual Grammys Awards this Sunday (February 10, 2013), requesting that all “talent appearing on camera adhere to Network policy concerning wardrobe.” The main problem areas for the Grammy organizers seem to be the breasts, the buttocks and (we would say this is a given, really) the genitalia. In fact, the email, which was obtained by is really quite specific when it comes to the organisers’ expectations in those areas.

“Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic.” Male breasts, it seems, are off the hook at the Grammys. “Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack.” Now, looking down the list of performers, here, we’re imagining that that the Grammys organizers probably had Rihanna in mind when they wrote this list. We can’t see Mumford & Sons taking to the stage in cut off denim hot-pants, somehow. “Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples.” Fair enough, they’ve got Justin Timberlake in the house and we know how much he likes wandering around exposing ladies’ nipples.

This next bit though: “Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible ‘puffy’ bare skin exposure.” We have no idea quite what genital-exposure-related traumas these people have suffered in the past but this sounds truly horrific. Puffy bare skin exposure? Yuk! Keep your junk hidden, performers! We want none of this! 


Rihanna, in one of her more conservative stage costumes