Big props, we guess, to Animal Planet whose annual Puppy Bowl managed to attract a staggering, and quite frankly bewildering, 12.4 million viewers, as the nation of America awww’d over a bunch of dogs wearing American football colors.

We’re refusing to watch any footage of it, we can’t bring ourselves to simper along with everyone else here at Contact; sure, you may think our hearts are black and our souls repugnant, but we definitely can’t get into this sickly spectacle. Instead we’re going to go off what Forbes reckoned about the event. The show went on for a mammoth 12 hours, which makes the regular Super Bowl seem like a quick half hour’s throw about in the park in comparison, and, among all the dogs on show, there was one stand out player. The MVP (Most Valuable Puppy. Sigh.)

So congratulations to the little schnauzer/beagle mix Marta. Initially picked to play special teams, she apparently managed to make her way into the starting line-up (how?) and managed to light up the game. The ratings for the, um, spectacle, gained a sizable boost after the power cut out in the real Super Bowl for a brief period. Running parallel with the real game, Animal Planet gained a huge surge in viewers whilst football fans waited for the power to be turned back on at the Mercedes-Benz Dome.