And then it’s time for the group date, which means one thing – basketball! We don’t really care about any of this, beyond the fact that the production apparently acquired only one set of Jerseys, so the second team had to get silver hearts spray painted on theirs. How quaint. Let’s just ignore the fact that some of the hearts kept disappearing from the guys’ jerseys randomly during the game. What’s continuity and who needs it anyway? Not us. The bottom line is the Rosebuds win, and Five of Hearts are heading back to the hotel... but not before being subjected to the Rosebud's muffled cheers through the locker-room walls. One Rosebud team member loses big time, however, when Andi weighs in. “"I definitely feel like our relationship is not progressing," Andi confesses about Eric. "That's something that I need to talk to him about today."

When the two get a chance to talk, it turns out he shares her concern that they’re not connecting. The cameras might have something to do with it. The script might be involved too. You know – standard relationship troubles.

 

Even the way that we're sitting and the way that we're dressed. This isn't really me."

"It worries me that we don't thrive in [this] setting," the Bachelorette tells him. The viewers let out a collective groan.

And then – hurrah for dynamic sequences – Brian pulls Andi in for some one-on-one flirting. He calls it shooting hoops, but we know what’s up and clearly, so does Andi. In fact, the only one who is still completely clueless about the chemistry is Brian himself. “I am so bad at reading signs,” he tells the camera later. “I froze up, I guess.”

No kidding.

The final one-on-one date this week falls to Marcus, and it’s right on time. And finally we get the classic Face Your Fears reality trope, as Andi straps afraid-of-heights Marcus into a harness before the two jump off a roof together. It’s some kind of metaphor, apparently. You know what they say – the way to a man’s heart is paralyzing fear.

More: The Bachelorette Contestant Dies

 

During the celebratory dinner, we find out that Marcus also has a Bad Previous RelationshipTM, which is where his fear of commitment stems from. So he throws a napkin over the rose in order to enjoy the date. Makes sense, we guess. Rose, John Pardi, and a premature declaration: "I am falling in love with you," Marcus yells into Andi's ear over the twang of John Pardi's guitar. "It's the scariest thing in my life right now."

Then there’s a bit of conflict between Andi and Eric, in which he accuses her of walking around with “a poker face” all the time. You’ll excuse us if we gloss over this. The second hand embarrassment was strong.

Andi Dorfman
See, this is what happens, when you criticise a woman's facial expressions.

 

Anyhow, Andi and Eric bid each other a tense goodbye, and then the Bachelorette marches back into the party to spray some rage shrapnel at the rest of the guys. "If any one of y'all thinks that this is a joke to me... you can just say it now and you can walk your ass on out," she bawls, her voice steadily climbing up several octaves. "Every single day this is real to me."

 

And that was the end of Eric’s time on the show. Really, this week, you might want to go with something a bit lighter. Like a nice, safe episode of Game of Thrones or something.